I remember one day at church I felt the Holy Spirit come over me and I was so emotional because I knew I was so broken and I needed God. It was so obvious, but I resisted it.
There were times where I'd pinch myself, like physically harm myself because I didn't want to show that I was breaking open. I was just like, “don't cry here. What are you doing?”
One day, there was a moment where they said, "if you've never given your life to Christ, this is your chance to do so". I heard that maybe four or five times, and something came over me. I just remember raising my hand and it was so awkward. But I felt like someone was helping me raise my hand. That was the first time I experienced hope and the Holy Spirit in a tangible way.
After that, my relationship with God started to mend because I was going to church and I had community, but I still felt alone in a lot of ways because I wasn't honest with myself about my brokenness.
My identity was still in my partner and I still hadn’t fully accepted God as my father.